Pastor's Window

Luke 23:34 "But Jesus was saying, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves."

Proverbs 14:12  "There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death."

These verses apply to all of us.  Most people are trying to do right, at least their view of it.   Sometimes our view of right can get pretty warped by what we feel is right for us.  Even when we are trying to do the right thing over all, our execution can really stink at times.  We end up with bad results, bad habits, hurt feelings, damaged relationships, poor outcomes, all because we were just trying to do the right thing or do right by us.

I don't know how many times I have been told by someone that they didn't mean for something to happen that had happened.  Of course not.  Few in their right mind ever set in motion a chain of events that they know will lead to hurt or disappointment.  Couples don't enter into marriage expecting a painful, bitter divorce.   No one takes a job planning to get fired and have trouble finding a new job.  No one joins a church planing to be a part of an ugly split that turns people off from God.  I could give more examples.  The point is that these things happen not because we planned on them, but because we do things our way, the way that seems right to us, and that way, apart from God, is death.

I used the phrase, 'no one in their right mind.'  There are people who do make bad choices on purpose and we question their mental health.  Hitler, Stalin, and lesser known murderers and criminals.  They do wrong on purpose.  Maybe not crazy in the technical sense, but not thinking straight.

The problem is, while we are not technically mentally ill, the Bible says that we are all spiritually ill.     Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?       Romans 7:18-19 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. (19) For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.

So, Father, forgive us, we don't know what we're doing.  And when others hurt us, we need to remember that phrase.  We are called to forgive as God forgives us, which means that when people hurt us, we need to forgive them.  We're all a mess without God.

As for our actions, it is good to make sure that we are living according to Scripture, not according to what feels good or seems good to us.  My pleasure seems fun to live for, but that way doesn't end well.

There are several different words that are translated "discipline" in the Bible.  Each one has a different sense to it.  Here are five different meanings to New Testament Greek words translated discipline in the NASB.  :  Self Control- 2 Tim 1:7, Beat up, Subdue-1 Cor 9:27, Train, correction-1 Cor 11:32, Eph 6:4, Arrangement, order-Col 2:5, Body Training, exercise-1 Tim 4:8-9.

I list these because I am working on having a more disciplined life and these words capture what I am seeking to have.  Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit and as I allow the Spirit to have greater control of my life, I trust that I will see more self-control in my life, both in my choices, my words, and my reactions.

The idea of beating up my body and doing bodily training are two more meanings that I seek to accomplish.  I have been working on getting more physically fit.  My week in the Dominican Republic helped me along on that goal with good physical activity all week.  Since I have returned I am working to be disciplined with my exercise and eating.

Arrangement is the fourth aspect of discipline that I am seeking.  To have my life in greater order, working ahead on projects, managing my schedule and my time wisely.  This is important to that the things that I should be accomplishing I am.  It is too easy to say that I am too busy.  If I discipline/order my life I will have time to do the important things.

Finally training and correction.  I am always in need of these and need to keep my heart open to them.  I am reading a great book right now that is giving me great training.  I also need to be constantly ready to be corrected as others point out things that I should be doing differently, more of, or not at all.  When I get stubborn and proud and don't want or listen to correction, I become the Bible's definition of a fool.

So, a big goal for me this winter/spring is discipline, in all its flavors.  That extends to this blog as well.  I try to discipline myself to take the 10-20 minutes a day that a blog post requires.  Some days may have to be skipped, but if I am skipping more than I am writing, you will know that I am struggling in some of my areas of discipline.  So keep an eye on the blog and feel free to ask me about Discipline.

Back from another great trip to the Dominican Republic.  It was another great trip this year.  It is so great to go down year after year and be able to build on relationships previously established, both on the team and with the people down there.

I really enjoy working on the hospital.  There is a real satisfaction that comes from challenging physical labor and working with other men and women to accomplish something.  Watching the hospital take shape is such an amazing and rewarding experience.  To see walls built out of block that we pulled up to the third floor one at a time feels pretty great.

BUT, by far the most rewarding aspect of the trip is the relationships.  In addition to really enjoying getting to know members of the team including some deep and personal talks with several new and returning friends in the group, there are the nationals who we see each year.  I had a long and indepth visit withy my dear friend and brother Alex.  We were able to talk about pastoring and ministry and the challenges that he faces in his life down there.  We shared our love for Christ and His Gospel and just had a wonderful time.  I got to see some of his family and work beside him on the job site.  I also got to see my good friend Vladimil and talk with him a little.  Also got to give him a pretty hard time which was funny as well.  I met a new friend, Mario, who worked with me most of the week and who taught me a lot of great Spanish.  He is a good guy and a very good teacher.  I also got to see old friends Ariel and Moises even though we didn't get a ton of time together.  I was able to have a great visit with Kristy Engel and talk about loss with her dealing with their loss of Marta and me with losing Dad.  That was a special time.  I even got to have a brief but good talk with hospital administrator Moises which gave me some insight into some ministry opportunities.

Overall, it was just a wonderful trip with little to no downside.  I got to call home a few times during the week and so felt less disconnected with my family and I so enjoy my home away from home down there at La Casa de Pastorale.  I hope the Lord allows me to return next year to further build friendships and minister into people's lives.  It is such a joy and a priviledge.

Now, it is time to return to the work here.  I come back energized and refreshed in a way I have not felt in months.  I am so thankful that here at church my primary responsibility is still relationships.   This trip has reminded me that relationships are our primary responsibility, even if we are task oriented people.  We are here to love one another and love those who do now know Christ.  When we put other things before our fellowship with our brothers and sisters, when we allow the things of this world to trump showing God's love to those outside the faith, our lives are truly out of balance.

Off to dive into the work ahead and look forward to the year that awaits us with God!!

I am so thankful for all the relationships God has given me.  I am also thankful that I can pour love into people and feel rewarded, no matter what their response is.  It can be tempting for all of us to sometimes focus on how people respond to us.  If it is positive, we can fall in love with their love for us.  If it is negative, we can feel rejected, betrayed, hurt.  But, as pastor Dave Hansen says,

Love for people must be differentiated from love of the experience of people.  Some pastors love the experience of being around people. ... Love of the experience of people is beneficial, but it is not a necessary personality characteristic.  There are pitfalls for the pastor who loves the experience of people.  It is easy to confuse loving being around people to actually loving people.  The two are very different.  Love of the experience of people is a form of self-gratification.  Love of people requires compassion.

I enjoy the experience of people.  I am a social person who enjoys being around people (although I also really enjoy being alone).  But I am most thankful for being able to just love people regardless of whether they respond or not.  Just caring for people can be very empowering.  I can't make someone like me and sometimes, no matter how hard I try, some just don't want to respond to love.  But no one can take away my love for them.  Agape (unconditional) love, the Bible tells us, never fails.  To be able to love those around me, and to express that love to them regardless of their attitude or reaction to me, is a great security.  No one can steal my love.  No one can cheat me out of it nor betray it.  It doesn't rely on them and so they can't affect it.  That is true "Social Security."

When you feel lonely or disconnected, love others, not because you want a response, but because when you allow God's unconditional love to flow through you, you are filled with an understanding and experience of that great love that God has poured out on you.  No matter how you are treated or received, loving others, no matter what, gives great security!

***Personal Note:  To the reader who dropped me an email the other day through the blog.  I was so glad to hear from you but your email address didn't work so I was unable to respond to you.  If you could please get in touch with a working email address, I would love to correspond more.  Thanks!  

A day late due to spending the afternoon in the hospital with a sick friend.  Here is the letter I wrote to the church for our annual report this Sunday.

As I gaze at 2011 in the rearview mirror I can’t help but take a deep sigh of relief.  This has been a tumultuous year and one in which God has done huge renovations in my life.  While not every minute of that work has been fun, I am so thankful for the year just past and look forward to what lies ahead.

In my personal life and in my work at Bean’s Corner, it is important to me to feel that we are moving ahead, making progress.  This year that feeling was intensified as God seemed to press His foot on the accelerator of my life.  This spring and summer as I struggled with the hardest year ever of putting together Berea’s summer camp, God began teaching me in powerful ways the depths to which I needed to trust Him.  He convicted me of my worry and stress and challenged me to trust Him when I couldn’t see the outcome.  Excited by these lessons, I began, with Nate, a preaching series on peace.  In the midst of that I learned why God was teaching the lesson so insistently as we learned in August that my Dad had cancer.  Three weeks later He was gone and I realized just how deep my trust of God needs to be.  Then we learned that we were pregnant again after four years of trying and a few miscarriages.  Again God pushed me.  Do I trust Him?  I am still working hard to leave myself in His hands where there is no stress.

Through all these events, God had still more lessons to teach.  As this late fall and winter has unfolded, I have realized that from both a work-load and emotional-load perspective that I am not yet recovered from everything that has happened.  God has used that to further challenge me on how I respond emotionally to rough times and how honest I am with myself and others when I am weak and struggling.  As a leader, as well as a human, the tendency is to want to look good, to be “a good example,” and not admit or display weakness.  This fall that has not been possible.  God is teaching me that I am more of a leader and example when I allow my frailties and failures to be publicly displayed.  As Paul also had to learn the hard way, “When I am weak, then He is strong.”

So know that your senior pastor this fall has struggled and has failed in many areas.  I have been behind in getting things done.  I have done a poorer job of planning ahead then I normally need to do.  I have missed opportunities and not accomplished things that should have been accomplished.  I have had more down days than up.  Through all that God has been more than faithful.  He has used these months to teach me more and more about what it means for me to be His child and for me to be a picture of Him to our church.  He has relentlessly taught me the humility of honesty and transparency.  In that, I have come to find Him all the sweeter, my relationship with Him and with my brothers in Christ all the more intimate and powerful.  My experience of God has been much greater and through that I have seen Him work in more powerful ways.  It is a great reminder that no amount of ministry expertise or effort can affect anyone’s life in meaningful ways, but that Christ, when allowed to truly work through me, weak, broken, and humble, accomplishes enormous tasks and changes people in profound ways.

My test area for all this is in my home as I pastor my family and raise our children.  Being honest with them about the man I am and the God I have will hopefully have a greater impact on them than if I try to maintain some fictional image of the “perfect pastor.”  I hope that all of you, who also face times of struggle and weakness, will find the reality of God as powerful as I have.  I pray you experience Christ in new and intimate ways, and I know that as we are open, humble, and broken together, the power of the Spirit is going to flow through our church in ways that will knock our socks off!  We are already seeing tastes of the glories that God has prepared for us when we really open our lives to Him and allow His power rather than our agendas and egos to work in the church.

I can’t begin to describe the honor it is to serve at Bean’s Corner.  God is doing something unique and exciting in our midst and I can’t wait to see where it takes us.  This year has taught me just how hard and sometimes painful God’s work can be, but it has also taught me how badly I want Him to do that work in my life and in the life of our church.  I am so thankful for the friends I have in this church.  To have three other pastors to serve with and  have with them, not just a good professional relationship, but a family relationship.  Cliff, Mac, and Nate could not be more family to me if we had blood ties.  The powerful personal friendship I have with the men of the Deacon board, their willingness to correct and support, and to know when to do both, is a rare gift that many pastors do not enjoy.  The other friends and co-laborers that work, help and support; I couldn’t even begin to be a pastor and shepherd without them.

So thank you, dear brothers and sisters, for your patience and grace.  I will not promise to make myself better this year, but I will commit to trying even harder to die to self and allow Christ to rule my life and as your servant-shepherd, allow you to see the construction that God is doing on my heart so that you can be encouraged to allow Him to do the same in you.  Together we will grow in Him this year and we will see Him moving with power in our church!